Battling Depression, Anxiety, and the Mental Health Stigma.

 I don't want to be here anymore this was a phrase that my parents heard me say to them one january night when i 

was in 5th grade I hadn't had symptoms of depression and or anxiety before this moment and I felt like the thought had overcomeme within the previous 24 hours before this moment i was completely overwhelmed and thought to myself that it would just be easier if i didn't have to do anything anymore my parents were terrified and so are the many other parents friends and families whose loved ones have also spoken these words unfortunately some people have kept this phrase inside themselvesto the point where it is too late and they are no longer at a place to gethelp why is a phrase so scary so terrifying something that people feel like they will be judged for saying the stigma against mental illness esespecially depression and anxiety stems from a long line of shame for what you are feeling the history of mental illnesses dates back to ancient egypt and rome called hysteria  it was believed to be linked to the uterus and corals and symptoms included paralysis and hallucinations women did not reveal their symptoms due to the fear that sharing was too intimate because of where it was believed to stem from the uterus given the lack of understandingand humiliation surrounding hysteriawomen were reluctant to come forward to get treatment for the women who did come forward there were little to no treatments available in the middle ages the church believed that hysteria wascaused by a link between the woman's uterus and the devil religious ceremonies and exorcisms wereforcibly performed on any woman showing signs of mental illnessin the 1600s it was discovered that hysteria is not linked to the uterus but to the nervous system and brainmaking people even more fearful of thepower of a mental illness now that a man could get a diagnosis too men were supposed to be strong the idea that they could struggle from somethingwas terrifying in the 1975 movie one flew over the cuckoo's nest the audience is drawn in by the horrifying depiction of mentalillness randall mcmurphy's diagnosis of a mentalillness prompts a series of events inside the psychiatric hospital where he is a patient which ends with him being sent intoelectric shock therapythe depiction of this horrific therapyas the only treatment for his mental illness contributes to the societal belief that this is what treating mental health looks like but it's not anyone can get treatment of any kind and there should not be no shame surrounding it at all feelings man or woman are valid well my first symptoms of depression and anxiety arose in seventh grade it wasn't until freshman year recently after I had moved to deerfield that I had my first panic attack idistinctly remember the chilly september nighti was sitting at my computer writing a draft for an essay for world history all of a sudden my hands became tense, shaky and I felt as if I was going to snap my computer at any moment couldn't breathe and i felt like the walls were closing in around me after calming myself down and talking to my mom we both decided it was time forme to go see a therapist I was scared of the idea only people with big problems go to therapy and that is a perfect example of how the mental health stigma arises in everybodyi've been conditioned to think that therapy was this thing you go to inextreme circumstances not to help with a little bit of anxietya year later in around october of 2019 I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder following this diagnosis I began taking medication and going to a more intensive therapy program is known as dialectical behavioral therapy about threeout of every 10 adolescents 13 to 17year olds struggle with an anxiety disorder and 2 out of every 10 adolescents struggle with the depressive disorderand 50 of the adolescent population struggles with a mental disorder which could be anything from obsessive-compulsive disorder to bipolar disorder almost half of the adolescent population struggles with their mental health yet it is something that we as adults don't talk about making it difficult forthose who are struggling to speak out one of the biggest reasons that teens are afraid to share their struggles are becausethey feel like they can't show weaknessin middleand elementary school I was the personthat people went to for advicethe person that people went to talkto I wasn't allowed to feel weaki covered up my depression and anxietyby pretending I wasn't struggling at allthe mask is one of the most common coping mechanisms that I and many others use whenstruggling with a mental illnessit's not an easy thing to do it's not aneasy thing to put on the face every dayof a personthat isn't truly yourself it'sexhaustingthe fall of 2019 was one of the worsttimes in my lifeand very few people knew it I would walkthrough the hallsat school smiling and saying hi to anyone I was remotely friendly with for fear that they would find out that iwas struggling there was one day around halloween that was one of my worst points i'd gotten to school early for a club so the school was practically empty two steps inside and tears started streaming down my face i couldn't do it I couldn't keeppretending that I was okay when I wasn't i called my mom from the bathroom sobbing please let me come homei can't do it I can't keep pretendinga couple of days before I had asked her if I could go to school late because it seemed too hard to put on my smiling face that dayand she reluctantly said yes this timeshe told me to stay at school for thefirst two periods and then call her backi attempted to put myself together and istepped out of the bathroomonly to run into one of my teacherswithout a beatthere was a smile on my face as igreeted her good morningi went on with my routine saying hi toanyone I was remotely friendly withbecause I was so afraid that they wouldfind out that I was strugglingbut just because you struggle doesn'tmean you are weakit means the opposite it means you arestrongit means you can be here and live yourlife while fighting what seems like anuphill battlei've given you my story I told you somestatisticsso now mental illnesses can mess with aperson's lifeto the point where they don't act likethe person that they want to be look at it this way if someone broke their leg you would sign their cast help them carry their books or even text to check in on them and make sure they're okay if physical health injuries get so much attention the mental health diagnosis should too check in on your friends and family members who may be struggling i know the conversation is hard to start but a simple hi how was your day let someone know that you were thinking of them and that they aren't alone we aren't in ancient egypt anymore we know that depression and anxiety are not caused by a link between you and the devil they're caused by a physical chemical imbalance in your body and while medication and therapy can help heal a person the everlasting fear surrounding having a mental illness can make someone not speak out about their struggles i started the conversation with my peers by posting my story on instagram it was an extremely vulnerable act but it led me to start a conversation about my mental illness, it doesn't have to be an instagram post but tell one person one family member about your struggles someone who loves and cares for you will never judge you i do want to be here I do want to live my life and while my struggles with depression and anxiety were something I would never wish upon anyone they made me who i am today they made me stronger i want you here all of you I know it's hard i know it's challenging but you can do this and don't let the fear of what other people think of you stop you from doing what's right for you you can do this. "Life is what  you get and make it better' so go on get out there and do thebest you can do.